The XYZ Files — Part Six
TV Roundup of the Paranormal
When I was a kid in the 60′s, our TV guide was actually called “The Roundup” and probably gave every detail about the goings-on of all 4 channels. It amuses me in this day and age to use that quintessentially 60′s-Western metaphor to describe the dogies we’ve got mosying in our cable corral, but that’s about what it looks like from here. We’ve got steady performers, renegade stampeders and a few rodeo clowns along for the ride, it would seem. Not that things haven’t ever been better—long-time readers will remember that I referenced Kolchak: The Night Stalker and The Sixth Sense from the 60′s. It wasn’t serious news, but it gave vent to the inexplicata of which we’ve all become fond. What follows is my review of the top paranormal shows of today, sorted through my own unique prejudices:
Ghost Hunters Franchise: Should be called “Gold Standard Enterprise”. While it has it’s quirks, problems and horrible moments of contrived drama, they have been soft-pedaling their show in the last few seasons and I like where it has gotten them. Like most people, I winced my way through the first 2 seasons as the producers attempted to frame (and script) a reality show out of material that could make for a pretty thrilling “straight science” show. Somewhere in season 3 it seems that the producers got hip to the fact that we’d rather watch an actual paranormal investigation than watch the so-called “team” bitch about Brian Harnois (but there is no finer moment in the genre than the investigation where he shouts “Dude! Run!” I want the T-shirt they have over at TAPS that commemorates this!).
Even though I’m willing to call it “Gold Standard” paranormal investigation, it really isn’t and that’s no fault of their own, given what they are doing for the field in general. TV will always be about money and power and B.S. with only a nod towards Science and Art, but my hat’s still off to those who can surf the medium in a way that scientifically delivers and makes for good drama. Readers of my column will note right away that Grant and Jason are quite cognizant of the electromagnetic dimension of the paranormal and seem to be gathering evidence about it. Their explanations do not go very far into the territory we have uncovered here in the XYZ files, but I’ve always assumed that this was because the audience could quickly become overwhelmed by the extent and implications of the research and be led to a place where it would be easy to dismiss anything paranormal as “electromagnetism playing hob with your brain”. The dramatic effect and the mystery have to remain if you’re going to appeal to the widest audience and I can’t fault that.
Between the original show, Grant and Jason’s two books, TAPS magazine, Ghost Hunters International and Ghost Hunters Academy, the entire franchise will have an impact on the next generation of paranormal investigators that can only bring better and brighter tools to a study that has languished in recent years. Hell, in forever.
Ghostlab: Okay, here’s the formula for a successful paranormal show . . . get a couple of down-home Bubba Joes, some cameras, a CGI guy, a monster truck/trailer combo and a girl or two that look good in tight pants and hit all the places Ghost Hunters has already hit and pronounced Very Haunted. Follow the same script, scene by scene after the GH formula and throw in some new twists. And . . . sonufagun, this dog got renewed for another season.
Actually, I kind of like Ghost Lab, and it’s actually because of the odd twists they’ve thrown in. I’ve long watched various ghost hunters flailing about with a tri-field meter or a k2 and thought to myself: What’s needed is a number of these devices laid out in a grid, each one being recorded on a hard drive such that later results can be tracked in time and 2 or 3 dimensions. It appears that they contrive things in just this way, even if the events aren’t cataloged as I would envision them. The Ghost Lab team evinces a certain diehard, git ‘er done approach to the work that is creative and site-specific. These guys can think on their feet and they are entertaining to watch, even if it appears they don’t understand the EM connection one whit. They might actually add something to the pursuit of things that go bump in the night—who knows?
Destination Truth: My last roommate called this show “Destination Ass-hat” after the manner in which the show’s host, Josh Gates, carried on. “Just wait,” I’d say, “it gets better if you suspend your disbelief . . . and smoke some of this . . . “ I must confess the show grew on me, but not as a serious study of the paranormal (in which case it is usually an utter laughing stock) but as a travel show with a paranormal theme (at which it excels). So, it just barely belongs in a list about serious paranormal research shows, but fortunately this is not such a list.
By my lights, a show loses all credibility when it gets out the neck-boom steadycam mounts in a cheap, monkey-mind effort to get a rise out of the actors and play their expressions out to the viewers as if it were entertainment in and of itself. It loses a bunch more when the host acts like a typical ugly American with too much money, harassing the natives wherever he goes. It loses the rest of it when the crew actually captures something paranormal and stands flabbergasted because it wasn’t what they were looking for.
I’m referring to an episode with an “ancient astronauts” theme that took place in an ancient Argentinian mining complex. The team had found nothing more unusual than the desiccated remains of a small animal, and towards the end of the show stumbled out of an exit tunnel and out onto a hill. Across the way, on a neighboring hill, an electroform bursts forth from the ground and shines an eerie blue-white, while the team’s electronic equipment starts howling from the re-transmitted energy. “Huh?” they say. We are indebted to Paul Devereux for the reminder that medieval mining treatises abjured us to “search where the lights rise up from the ground” if you want valuable ores and this episode is a case in point. The team quite simply has captured important data about electroforms and probably doesn’t even realize it. If we could so much as hook up an oscilloscope to the recording of the radio output of the light they recorded, we’d actually know a solid fact about the frequency at which these things operate (or at least the frequency at which this particular one was oscillating at that moment). Too, the reason the team was at the site was because of UFO activity and things of the “weird feelings” variety. That doesn’t seem too odd to me in a place where the ground is spitting out big, honking electroforms vibrating in visible light and the RF spectrum, . . . In my humble opinion, the best reasons I can come up with to even watch this show hinge around Josh’s likable humor and how nice Jael looks in tight pants… but now Jael’s on a different show, having been replaced by Ryder, whose pants are every bit as supernatural, at least to this old goat.
Fact or Faked is the newcomer, and one I’ve been waiting for. It seems like another step towards at least getting people to think critically about what they are seeing and hearing. Too bad it’s goofy . . . but then there’s Jael again in her tight pants . . . The concept of this show is good and I think it has a lot of promise, but the execution is logistically sloppy and given to sensationalism. They rule out hoax factors without telling us really why. On the most recent show, we were offered a clip of a flying blob which made no sound, but try as I might, I could not discover any solid evidence for this and came away from it thinking that many stones were unturned. The people who took the video at the time said there was no sound, but no one ruled out the fact that the sound could have been wiped, or even rerecorded. It was not ever presented in silence, either—there was always someone speaking over it, so one is left to take their word for it, when what I’d rather be presented with is a few seconds of the actual evidence, sans narrator.
I applaud their attempts to game out what must have (or could not have) happened in a given scenario and think that this is a vital element of any paranormal investigation as a tool for getting at what is and is not possible. An example of this kind of thinking comes from the Skinwalker Ranch case (which I will discuss in a later article) where a calf was mutilated and exsanguinated in a very short space of time with witnesses a few hundred yards away at all times. The witnesses sought to game out what must have took place had a human agency been responsible and concluded that it couldn’t be done in the time allowed, even with infinite resources and manpower. Such simulations are what force us to rethink, and for that I am glad.
Now that the 2nd season has aired, I can see it going downhill already. The strong accent on the sensational and unsolvable betrays their intent to entertain rather than inform or discover. The recent “Battle of L.A.” is a good case in point. It clearly panders to the recent movie of the same approximate title (which is soon to go to DVD, if it hasn’t already), has plenty of opportunity for pyrotechnics, big guns and supernatural pants. I guess I better just say it right now: the historical event known as the “Battle of Los Angeles” was caused by an electroform that rose off the San Andreas fault and hovered a bit out to sea, having the misfortune to do so in the presence of the naval ships gathered there. 14,000+ rounds of ammunition were wasted shooting at something that doesn’t seem to even notice bullets. If the Fact or Faked crew proved anything at all it’s that it wasn’t a weather balloon or any other conventional craft, as they had no trouble shooting down their own balloon in under 10 rounds, and those fired by an amateur with (probably) no combat training with a 60 cal gun. I sure hope this show gets better because it has a lot of potential, not just as entertainment but as science.
Ghost Adventures is simply surreal. It is by far the most ludicrous waste of time and money I’ve seen to date. It is the living spirit of the fraud and hucksterism that has dogged serious study of the paranormal since the term was coined. Fortunately it’s on the Travel Channel and so there’s no reason to take it too seriously, except as maybe a warning of what can happen when your motto is “money talks”. To give an idea of how inept it is, it doesn’t even have a girl who looks good in tight pants (clearly the lowest common denominator on TV paranormal shows) and instead has a pair of freaks too geeky to be in even my D&D game. The so-called ghost-hunting devices are so outlandish and scientifically dodgy that the show doesn’t need a drinking game, it is clearly the by-product of one.
Paranormal State Franchise is full of surprises and I can’t really give it the review it needs yet because I haven’t watched every last episode of Paranormal Kids, which I am including in the notion of the “franchise”. I quite frankly like the fact that they approach the subject of the paranormal from a religious standpoint, rather than from a strictly agnostic/atheist scientific view. Such an approach may seem out of place in a technical world like ours, but these approaches often bear as much, if not more, fruit than do those of science and for a very important reason. Science can only measure the measurable and the objective, but ghosts are part of experiences both subjective and objective, and so—like dreams, hopes or aspirations—aren’t perfectly fit subjects for scientific study. It is my personal belief that the 2 approaches need to suffer some degree of combination to be truly effective because we do live in a universe where faith and will matters and we are subject to forces science cannot measure or describe. If anything, we are lacking in our ability to identify and cultivate the weird psychic talents that come and go, and these guys are at the least, offering a model for how that might come about.
I say I can’t recommend it wholeheartedly, because I was pretty much appalled by the way Paranormal State drove their credibility into the ground in a blatant grab for ratings at each season’s end. My respect for the show pretty much tanked when, attempting to make contact with a “demonic” force that had been galloping through the last 3 episodes, the host of the show taped ping-pong balls over his eyes (“Ganzfeld effect”) while donning a helmet that was presented to be something like Dr. Persinger’s “God Helmet” and pretended he might be able to pick out something True and Useful from the resultant jumble of hallucinations. It’s as if someone stumbled about the set in a drunken frenzy, downing cough syrup with one hand while sniffing at an ether-soaked rag with the other, muttering: “hey . . . I thing IM gedding something . . . zounds all warbly . . .” I think I’ve watched just about all of it now, courtesy of the people that mail you DVDs in bright, red envelopes and I must say I am underwhelmed. Perhaps this proves that our times aren’t going to prove too hospitable to a Hans Holzer style “ghost lay-er” even if those methods work quite well (and we’ll discuss why in a later article). Meanwhile, pass me that brown, glass bottle–the next episode of Paranormal Dreck is coming on and it’s time for a visit from the Ether Bunny . . .
Believe it or not, I actually left a lot of shows out of this column because they belong more in the realm of ghost story dramatizations or maybe just Bad TV. I’m talking about that “Haunted Pets” thing on the Animal Channel and that “Celebrity Hauntings” dog on A&E. What’s next? People telling ghost stories around a campfire for 43 minutes? Hey! That just might work! If a reader can direct me to something on TV that I’ve missed and seems worth a glance, I’d love to hear of it.
Frater Auxilior Arti (Brother “I facilitate the Arts”) is a practicing ceremonial magician attached to the House of Abraxas of Ordo Astrum Sophia and is a founding member of the Companions of the Glyph. He has studied in the Western traditions of occultism for over 35 years and has been a student of the inexplicable for about as long. The first 5 articles in this series were adapted from articles of the same name, originally written for the now-defunct rendingtheveil.com. Fr. A. A. invites your comments and if we can get a lively enough discussion going, we can alterrnate the regular columns with those that field questions from the readers and discuss up-to-the-minute paranormal news in the light of the arguments presented herein. More information and writings can be gleaned from his page at Companionsoftheglyph.org: www.companionsoftheglyph.org/frafiles/fra.htm.
John Carlson is a husband, father, and business owner. He’s worked as a self–employed Web developer for over ten years. John was raised in New Jersey USA where he currently resides with his wife and two sons.
You sir would’nt know a ghost if it bit you in your ass. You can stop looking for bigfoot though, he’s at the bottom of this page in that glorious picture of him first one recorded I assume.
Shut up, you are a goof ball with a big hole that should be sewn up as quickly as possible.
PRT
You sir would’nt know a ghost if it bit you in your ass.
Oh? At least I can punctuate an English sentence. Are you trying to raise the level of discussion in your drunken way?
You can stop looking for bigfoot though, he’s at the bottom of this page in that glorious picture of him first one recorded I assume.
Oh, I see–you mean me . . . I actually know people who look a lot more like bigfoot than I.
Shut up, you are a goof ball with a big hole that should be sewn up as quickly as possible.
You know, that sounds rather like a threat, which is why I’ve approved this message and made it public. Got any more? Or would you care to have a serious discussion about why I ought to have my “big hole sewn up as soon as possible.”?
Fr. A. A.
Your analysis is pretty much off the mark with all these shows, except for Ghost Hunters. I hope nobody with a serious interest in the paranormal takes your critiques seriously, and judges the show for themselves. And, ironically, the one paranormal show your admire the most, “Fact or Faked” is actually the WORST of the lot – run by geeky debunkers who go about trying to “prove” these cases using totally inept methods. And, like so many debunkers, their minds are already made up.
It’s idiot “reviewers” like yourself that actually do a huge disservice to the paranormal community. Please don’t give up your day job.
Well, you are certainly welcome to have a difference of opinion. It was intended as humor, anyway. True, every time I watch Fact or Faked, my opinion of it slips another notch. I like the premise, but they’re losing me in their rush to show that if a thing can be faked it must’ve been. I’m not sure how you can come away from that article thinking I admire that show the most, because I clearly don’t. That prize goes to Ghost Hunters.
It is my intent to do a disservice to the way in which the paranormal is marketed because it’s dumbing us down and not letting us look at this area of study sensibly and in the light of recent discoveries.
Interesting – I too watch all of these (snookered into most of them) for the big revelation or amazing encounter that never seems to come. Fact or Faked in my opinion has to be the worst- not the premise, but the horrible mugging and the fake small-talk the actors (yes, actors) make. My current favorite is the simple “My Ghost Story”, not the “celebrity” version. It reminds me of friends just relating some strange thing that happened to them, like most all of us have had happen, and I find it very believable. Occasionally there is some interesting footage (I suppose it’s not ‘footage’ anymore, pixelage?) to illustrate their stories. Very little hype surrounding it, more like a good story-time than some CGI movie or fake investigation.
Just read the previous two comments – Wow! What can drive such venom over a TV review? You showed remarkable restraint in your replies. Why not tell those two to just go fuck off like you probably want to? (This is not intended to be published – just a comment to you.)
My favorite ghost show is “My Ghost Story,” too. I used to watch “Ghost Hunters,” but–seeing so much evidence of staging and dishonesty–I had to stop watching the paranormal plumbers. Even before evidence for fraud started to dog the Roto-Rooter boys, my tolerance was waning as Jason Hawes started to try and change his image from “bald, fat plumber” to “husky action hero”. There’s an episode of “The Family Guy” where Peter Griffin puts a foot up on a stool and tries to strike a Devil-May-Care Shatner-esque pose, and my wife and I burst out laughing immediately, saying, “God, he’s standing just like Jason Hawes from ‘Ghost Hunters’!”
What a clown!
After seeing all the compelling evidence for fraud, it’s no wonder 99% of their original cast walked. So did most of their viewers (me, among them).
I find this comparison pretty spot on. I have not watched every episode of every season of all the shows listed. But I have watched a good chunk of them, especially the ones suggested by friends. That being said, there is one episode of Ghost Hunters that lingers in my mind. Season 3, episode 8, Irish Ruins. The whole scene where they’re hunting Fairies/Wraths, and infrared picks up what seems to be something “floating” behind the investigators as they walk through the woods. Then that something multiplies into several somethings. I’ve read a few attempts to debunk that episode, but nothing seemed to be viable except they added it/edited it in later. Or, well, it was real. (A friend went as far as suggesting it was hummingbirds)
What I’d enjoy seeing is a paranormal show which encompasses several spiritual types. Perhaps one following shamans, pagans, or witches on investigations. Or even a team comprised of an atheist, a christian/jew, a shaman, and a witch. With no disrespect, I don’t mean a group of kids claiming they belong to said groups.
I don’t know if it’s still on TV or, if it’s been canceled but, you forgot Most Haunted. I stopped watching that show when, something ran through a doorway, while the camera was pointed at the floor of the doorway. They claimed it was a ghost that ran through the doorway. What I saw was a poor attempt at lifting out the image a rat from the scene and, leaving the smudged background, in it’s place. Really; if you slowed it down, you could see the rat tail and bits of it’s outline. It was a really bad doctoring job. I work with images for a living. I can tell. That did it for me. I stopped watching that show. And, that possessed guy on the show wasn’t helping them at all. lol
Some of the paranormal shows on TV, I watch for the entertainment value only. Some, I don’t watch at all like, Ghost Lab. I can’t stand that show. Only cause the guys on there act like they are so macho. To me, they are butt heads.
I like Fact or Faked. Not because they prove or dis-prove anything but, because some of the stuff they build is kind of cool.
Destination Truth is fun to watch for the entertainment value. I take nothing on that show seriously. But, it’s fun to watch.
Paranormal State is also a show I don’t take seriously. If it’s a ghost hunting show then, why is it that every time they run in to something that could be a ghost, they try to exorcise it? Ghost are ghosts; demons are demons. If you are going to go around looking for demons, then call it a show about demonology; not ghost hunting.
Ghost Adventures is a fun show. Not sure if they actually find ghosts or, if those recordings are real but, so far the show hasn’t disappointed me, as far as, the entertainment factor goes. It’s fun to watch. The recordings are cool and, the guys on the show are likable.
Ghost Hunters Franchise is right. You can tell they are out to make money off that show and nothing else. I don’t take that show seriously at all. In fact, I think the show is really annoying. Especially, when they say “oh, did you hear that?”. Well, no, I did not hear that. The annoying background music was playing to loud; as usual. So, we get to take their word for it that any noise was made at all. I really feel that they need to ditch that background music. It really sucks. Jason and Grant are funny. Only because, you can only tell when they are trying to put something over on the viewing audience. They get these guilty; do you think they can tell it was fake?, looks. YES GUYs WE CAN TELL
I don’t want you to think I don’t take the whole ghost thing seriously. I do believe in ghosts. I have had my own experiences. So, I know they are real. I just don’t thing everything I see on TV about it is real.
For the most part, if you take these shows for what they are “pure entertainment” then you can have fun watching them. If you take them seriously, you are making a big mistake. It will only frustrate you. Here is why. There are no real scientists on any of those teams. Even if they find evidence of anything, it’s their word against every one elses. Nothing is really being studied.
Don’t take it all so seriously, just pick a show and, have fun
Hello,
I just thought I’d log in long enough to let y’all know that I wasn’t silent out of pique, but because I was on a business trip and neglected to take my computer. That’s over with now and I’m reading my mail and am forced to think: wow! Write about ground-breaking science and paradigm-shifting discoveries and there’s a whole lot of silence, but talk about Art and Entertainment and the blog is a-buzz! At least it seems like we have something to talk about. . . .
Any takers to talk about the points covered in previous articles as they build towards some semblance of a final summation?
Or, what do you folks make of the new Haunted Collector show? Looks like another SYFY thing is coming down the pipe too (saw it on motel cable on my biz trip) but I can’t remember now what it was–just got a glimpse of it.
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Thank you! I’m in the process of upgrading it and will be relaunching soon. I recently secured “paranormalist.com” and I’ll be using that as my primary domain name. I’ll let everyone know when this will all be taking place.